dressing up

"Mr. R, can I borrow a tie?"

A boy walks up to the desk and flips the color of his shirt as the other boys in the class saunter over and the girls giggle in the back.

The ties are green, and it is my job as the newly named 'fashion assistant' to pick out which one coordinates the best with the selection of boys and their shirts (most of which are blue).

One boy stays at his desk, denying the offer of his teacher to adorn one of the coveted ties. "Miss DeVries says chicks dig the ties, David." Mr. R says.

The girls in the back giggle even louder. "No we don't." Says one. Oh, but you will.

Once the ties have been knotted and distributed, the class dons their coats and starts the journey from the school building to the bus, about 100 feet in the 10 degree weather.

The girls shiver in their dresses and leggings and hop back and forth from one foot to the other.

The field trip has begun.

why I smile

-because my sister misses my blog

-because books are always wonderful

-because I have candles in my room

-because finding it hard to breathe is joyous and thrilling

-because we brush our teeth together

-because minions are a riot

-because she really believes in mermaids

-because trips around the island take half an hour

-because I feel safe with him

-because reading children's fiction is now a requirement

-because I put Nutella on everything

-because I ran a mile in 8:51

-because missing friends makes you realize how important they are to you

-because he hugged my grandma

-because life is a gift and I shouldn't need more reason than that

qualifying the called

I feel unqualified and spoiled.

A typical American girl who was given everything as a child.

Taking, taking, taking.

Only thinking of myself.

I want it to stop.
--
But I am different, am I not?

Showing no disrespect to my parents (most of the time).

And yes I make mistakes, but at least I feel remorse.

Learning to love without wanting anything in return.

Trying to be a better person, but not because I think it will save me.

Or maybe that is just my problem. Just trying.
--
I am making something of my life, not just taking.

I am giving as much as I can, and possibly more.

I am completely surrendered, and I have never felt more free.

~Murder on the Orient Express~

-by Agatha Christie

Well, would you look at that! I actually finished a book.

And a great one at that. My motivation for reading more of Christie is now directed toward my fascination of the twists and turns in her stories. When will she run out of tricks? I will continue to read these mysteries until I can detect the killer on my own and not wait until the last two pages of the book to find out. It just dumbfounds me how she does it. Or maybe I am not as bright as I thought I was.

I have this theory

It has to do with the proportion of time you are alive relative to the time in the context of question. As you get older, you have obviously lived longer. Therefore, a year becomes smaller and smaller relative to what you have already lived. A newborn's day consists of half of their life, while a year for me is 1/19 of my life. In short, time only speeds up. It is basically mathematical.

I like how I learn things

College classes teach you stuff.

I think this is like a fairy tale

But you will never know until the end.








And neither will I.

never been so proud

It was gym time and I collected my girls' nametag necklaces so that they could play without them being in the way. They ran as fast as their four-year-old legs could carry them. Feeling much the minority, I walked over to the wall that they were lined up at prepared to sit next to Jo, the girl that was too afraid to play sharks and minnows and watched from the sidelines with her leader by her side.

From the very first day, she clasped onto my hand and refused to play. It had become a habit.

"Are you sure you don't want to play?" Her tiny rainboots reminded me of the larger ones that I owned back in my room.

"Yes." Contented, but with no smiles we watched. Eventually her hand leaves mine and she folds them in her lap and fidgets with her pink and purple outfit.

The first time this conversation took place, tears were shed before the comfortable silence began. The idea of a shark must have been horrifying.

As the semester wore on, it became ritual to sit on the sidelines. The same question came up with the same response.

Except.

"I...I think I'm going to play it this time." We hold hands against the wall until the game begins. The first hesitant step makes me believe she is planning on taking me with her, but then her grip lessens as she moves away and she leaves me at the wall to run away from the other kids.

Standing with all the other leaders, I can't help but feel a sense of pride. The smile on her face shows no hint of holding back as she reaches the other wall and looks back at me.

You remind me of myself. Don't worry, the fear will go away.

why I smile

-because I get to eat real food next week

-because I get to see my family next week (including cousins!)

-because I get to sleep in my own bed next week

-because I get to go to my home church next week

-because I get to shower with no shoes next week

-because I get to sleep in next week

...just because of next week.

I would like to order one time machine, please.

Set for March 23, 2011

thankyouverymuch

I'm flattered

Honestly, I am. In L'Engles' words, maybe everyone back home was just used to me. And I do enjoy being treated like a lady. Opening the doors are nice, and thanks for saving my coffee and me when I tripped up the stairs in the cafeteria.

But, I can get my own stinking umbrella. I can pay for myself. I don't want to hear you say "don't worry about it". I can handle it, and I want to know what's wrong. I'm not lying when I say I don't want anything. Just because I'm scared doesn't give you an excuse to hold my hand; I back away because I don't want it. I can handle being alone.

There is a fine line between treating women with respect, and treating them like babies.

I held a Bible today.

398 years old. First edition King James Version. It was inspiring.



So I wrote this.

things I didn't know about myself a month ago

-I really, really, really like popcorn

-I'm crazier than I think I am

-I can't read as fast as I thought I could

-My handwriting actually looks good

-I miss being alone

-I miss my family

-I like strange music

-I'm not that different from everyone else

~The Shallows~

-by Nicolas Carr

"But as a device for reading, the book retains some compelling advantages over the computer. You can take a book to the beach without worrying about sand getting in its works. You can take it to bed with you without being nervous about it falling to the floor should you nod off. You can spill coffee on it. You can sit on it. You can put it down on a table, open to the page you're reading, and when you pick it up a few days later it will still be exactly as you left it. You never have to be concerned about plugging a book into an outlet or having its battery die.

You can read a dozen or a hundred printed pages without suffering the eye fatigue that often results from even a brief stretch of online reading. You can flip through real pages much more quickly and flexibly than you can through virtual pages. And you can write notes in a book's margins or highlight passages that move or inspire you. You can even get a book's author to sign its title page. When you're finished with a book, you can use it to fill an empty space on your bookshelf-or lend it to a friend."

attentiveness and sleepiness

Falling asleep at two in the morning can't be good for me. Especially when I wake past noon. I forced myself to wake up at seven this morning just so I would fall asleep tonight. But there's a problem. I'm not falling asleep.

The good in all this? I'm almost completely packed for college tomorrow, I re-ripped all my CDs to my new iTunes, and I'm finding some really good music.

For you I-wanna-get-up-and-dance-ers: here.

For you I-wanna-sip-coffee-outside-ers: here.

For you I-don't-know-who-I-am-ers: here.

Those awkward moments when you're on the sidewalk and you pass someone either walking in the other direction or chillin' in their yard and don't know what to do for the seemingly endless amount of time when riding up to them aren't that awkward anymore.

Just smile.

Unless, it's a boy. Then you have two options. One: stop, turn around, and act like you were meaning to go this way. Or two: smile at the sky, the ground, or anything else.

this is why I don't go to bookstores as much as I would like

[I'm addicted to reading. And when I smell a good book, it's over for my wallet]

At least I'm not in denial.

WARNING: enter hunger games

[click here or you won't understand this post at all] ;)

It doesn't matter if the cup is half empty or half full. It's the fact that it's half and half. Fifty percent good; fifty percent not-so-good, give or take a few.

YES! To Katniss. Yes, yes, yes. So, far, so good. She looked a little glammed up in a previous picture, but as reminded by a fellow friend, all the contestants in the Hunger Games are glammed up. This picture, however, is brilliant.

What?! To Peeta. I was fine with Josh Hutcherson, and I'm still fine with him. All I gotta say is, this had better not be the scene I'm thinking it is. Because he needs a whole lot more mud.

Ehh. To Gale. I'm not happy with this picture, but I'm not upset with it. Just... ehh...

I'm afraid to ask, but, what do you think? Of the pictures, not my obsessions, smarty pants.

[untitled]

Maybe I do worry about what people think of me. Maybe I am scared of the unknown. Maybe I don't know where I'm headed. Maybe I'm not as different from everyone else as I think I am.

~Uncommon Criminals~

-by Ally Carter

It's taking me awhile to write this review mainly because I'm afraid to say I didn't like it. As a book. And this is where it gets difficult to explain.

What's with Paraguay and Uruguay? This is one of the finer points, but it still bugged me. Kat knows the latest model of an elevator but can't remember which country her family is in? She kept on messing it up, so now even I don't know the right country.

It was too predictable. Hale always shows up. And that's great for the romance and all, but I was more interested in the heist this time. I felt like I was watching a chickflick; Ally picked all the right words, but they were the cliche words. Mabye too cliche.

My problem: I fell in love with the characters in Heist Society, but they changed in Uncommon Criminals.